It’s normal for children to feel a little upset when saying goodbye to their parents or caregiver, especially during big transitions like starting daycare or school. But for some children, this distress doesn’t fade with time. If your child becomes intensely anxious, tearful, or even panicked when separating from you (or even anticipating a separation), they may be experiencing separation anxiety.
Separation anxiety is common and treatable, and understanding what it looks like is the first step toward helping your child feel more secure and confident.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a form of anxiety where a child becomes excessively fearful or worried about being away from their main caregiver. It’s most common in younger children, but older kids and even teens can experience it too.
A child with separation anxiety isn’t just being “clingy” or misbehaving. Their distress is real and can affect their ability to take part in everyday activities like school, sleepovers, or playdates.
Signs of Separation Anxiety
Every child is different, but there are some common symptoms that occur when a child is experiencing separation anxiety.
Emotional outbursts
A child experiencing separation anxiety may get very agitated at the prospect of being separated from their parents. They may start crying, throwing tantrums, or begging not to be left without their parents.
Excessive worry
Children with separation anxiety may experience a strong sense of worry and anxiety when separated from their caregiver. This may often involve imaging that bad things will happen to either themselves or their caregiver if they are separated from one another.
Physical symptoms
Sometimes separation anxiety has the potential to manifest as physical symptoms that a child will feel. These include stomachaches, headaches, and feelings of nausea.
Difficulty sleeping alone
In some cases, separation anxiety extends to bed time and children find it difficult to sleep apart from their parents. They can experience nightmares about being separated, making it difficult for them to sleep.
Reluctance to participate in activities without a parent
The most defining symptom of separation anxiety is when a child does not want to go anywhere or do anything without their parent present.
Repeated calls or messages to check in
Children experiencing separation anxiety will feel a constant need to call or message their parents whenever they are separated from them.
What Causes Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety can emerge for many reasons. It may begin after a big life change like starting school, moving house, or experiencing illness or loss, or it might occur with no obvious trigger. Some children are naturally more sensitive or cautious, especially if they have a temperament that leans toward anxiety.
Sometimes, separation anxiety is part of a broader anxiety pattern that runs in families. Importantly, it’s no one’s fault. And with the right support, it can get better.
When to Seek Support
Mild separation anxiety is a normal part of development, especially in toddlers and preschoolers. But when it continues for a longer time or gets in the way of everyday life (like refusing school, struggling to sleep alone, or avoiding activities) it might be time to seek professional support.
A psychologist can help identify whether your child’s anxiety is within the typical range or whether it may be part of a separation anxiety disorder. If so, early support can make a big difference in helping your child build confidence and independence.
How Therapy Can Help Children Deal With Separation Anxiety
Therapy for separation anxiety usually involves working with both the child and their caregivers. The goal isn’t to push a child before they’re ready – but to help them feel brave, supported, and capable over time. Treatment often includes:
Helping the child learn coping skills
By going to therapy, a child is able to gain some important tools to cope with separation. This helps them to manage their feelings of worry rather than fall into a panic.
Gently practicing separations
Taking an incremental approach can help children to gradually adjust to periods of separation. A step-by-step approach helps them to build more resilience at a manageable pace.
Supporting parents with strategies
Therapy is also helpful for parents and can give them the tools to respond calmly and consistently when their child is experiencing separation anxiety.
Building the child’s confidence
One important aspect of helping a child with separation anxiety is building up their sense of confidence. This can help to maintain a greater sense of safety in different situations and become more resilient against anxiety.
You’re Not Alone
If your child is struggling with separation anxiety, know that you’re not alone and that help is available. At Bowyer Psychology, our team of psychologists is experienced in working with children and families to support emotional wellbeing and healthy development.
If you’d like to learn more or book an appointment, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
